Autism & Asperger's personal stories | Denial to acceptance - a parent reflects on her journey with an autistic son
Parent's perspective on diagnosis, Autism Spectrum Disorders and early signs of Autism and Asperger's syndrome
 
 

DENIAL TO ACCEPTANCE

Everyone has their story, this is the beginning of mine.

It is said that there are stages a person has to go through to proceed from the point of denial to final acceptance. This it is said relates to any change that life may present on our journey, even those we don't want to have to walk. For me, the Lord orders those steps and knows the bigger picture that I don't.

However knowing He is aware doesn't mean that it hurts any less. Yes He may be in control (this is my belief) however it is so easy to one day share with all those listening that the key is to accept that which comes your way, no matter what and that you are strong and still standing. Yet crumble in a heap of frustration less than two days later.

Yes, you have accepted to spend time wishing what could be and not choosing to accept and deal with what is a total waste of energy and time, and doesn't help anyone. As you are reading, please note these words I write are neither right nor wrong, they are my feelings.

As I was saying, yes, you know all things work together for good in the end, however, it can take years to accept that the man you married is unable to see your point of view to the point that communicating it to him verbally only frustrates him further, it isn't that he doesn't love you and vice versa, it is that you presenting your emotions to him confuses him.

It can take years before you say " No really, Buzz Lightyear didn't do that, did he?" although you know he did for Toy Story has been part of your family for the last three years, non-stop for at least three times per day, and that doesn't include watching the movie. You ceased that long time ago.

And then to look into the eyes of your other child who wants to know what to do because his brother is sitting there talking to himself again and not listening to how it affects him, "mum, he isn't listening to me again…" No, really…….

Welcome to my world

How do you survive, and not only survive but attempt to flourish with all your loved ones flourishing with you? You accept that it is no longer about you. Support groups, online support etc that may be about you - however in your home, it isn't.

You are the guide. Your citizens react better to pictures than verbal words. So you learn to draw, you take photos and you pray that you can learn to penetrate their world. As the old adage says, Seek to understand rather than seek to be understood.

I, like many others, have been reading through and have just started my journey on the autism path, and yet in that time I have learnt how to accept everyone for who they are. It strikes me as ironic that an autistic trait is that they are unable to recognize another person's feeling and yet I am challenged to recognize what they must feel when asked to be someone they are not, simply so I can be more comfortable with it in my world.

Who is empathizing with who?

I have chosen to teach my children "different people do different things, that is why they are named xxxxx and you are not. That is what makes them their personality and who they are". Yet I find myself sometimes wishing that I didn't have to explain things in so much detail every single time. (there goes that waste of energy again….)

Yes, through my husband and son I am learning to accept everyone opinion (which I didn't always do) and also respect everyone for where they are at. I am also aware that not having my feelings acknowledged emotionally is extremely hard, yet in an ironic way this is preparing me and giving me the strength to be the person I need to be as this is my family and my life.

This is what I feel today. In my world, you also learn to take each day as it comes, for one can only go as far as they can see… and if that is just till the end of the day, then so be it.

- Faith

 

Close Autism personal story on denial and acceptance

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It is said that there are stages a person has to go through to proceed from the point of denial to final acceptance, and this seems especially true when one's son has Autism